Scream wrote:
Today's email from Athletics says ongoing renovations at the Joe are expected to "impact some fan experience elements". Swella - want to take a crack at telling us what fan experience elements are?
Sure, I'll take a crack at it, thanks for asking.
Three possibilities come to mind:
1. The section where Tom Kelly sits has collapsed again from chronic overload. Structural engineers determined the only solution for this recurring problem was to redistribute the load by having Kelly wander around the stadium during the game rather than sit in one place.
This "impacts some fan experience elements" by obliterating other spectators' sight lines (think total eclipse) and causing beer spillage from vibrations caused by Kelly's movements (think 7.5 on the Richter Scale).
2. GoRamblers' rapidly receding hairline has reached the point where the glare from his shiny scalp obscures the video screens overhead. The only time the screens will be clearly visible is during a Kelly-induced Scalp Eclipse, which would occur only twice a game by my calculations.
Engineers are working on a solution. Hair implants are under discussion.
3. The plan to give Swella a more prominent role in game proceedings in keeping with his exalted stature in the community and his massive financial contributions to the Athletic Department has hit an administrative snag. Swella's request for rebuttal time after Sister Jean's pregame prayer has been nixed by legal counsel due to concerns about libel laws, while the idea of miccing Swella during games so that the entire crowd (and not just those fortunate enough to be sitting nearby) could hear his incisive comments and witty rejoinders is bogged down in trying to comply with the FCC mandate that a 7 second tape delay be installed to avoid broadcasting profanities. (As if Swella couldn't string together a bunch of profanities lasting longer than 7 seconds...)
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