Typical BigJoe real estate listing:
Quote:
WOW! Impressive 15,000 sq.ft. McMansion modeled after the Mars Cheese Castle. (see photo). Built in 1992, it retains such late 20th century charming details as the endlessly useful 90 ft. tall vaulted ceiling in the entryway, faux oak plastic Colonial molding throughout, beige wall to wall carpeting (even in all 11 bathrooms!), miles of drywall nailed to 2x4s and painted off-white, a gift wrapping room accessible from the gift unwrapping room, and genuine granite-look laminate kitchen countertops.
This magnificent house has 9 bedrooms including the master suite which is so big it has its own zip code.
The mechanical are properly sized for the house. The furnace is rated at 1.2 million BTUs, enough to heat an entire block of normal sized houses. It is zoned to heat only those rooms that are occupied. The current owner reports that his most recent January gas bill for heating the auxiliary kitchen, one half bathroom and a small bedroom was only $1000. Summer air conditioning costs are similar.
Worried about weak wireless reception? Don't be. The house comes with its own orbiting satellite. You will never be without the internet until the satellite crashes to earth in late 2024.
The full basement includes separate rooms dedicated to the sausage- and cheese-making hobbiest. Slaughter your own deer, milk your own cow, and feed your family fresh and delicious cheese and sausage year round. The savings on food go a long way to offset the estimated monthly mortgage payment of only $22,000.
Ten car garage/quick lube facility.
The turret is shooter-ready with gun mounts in place, providing 360° flexibility to choose your target.
I could go on about the many merits of this house, but I think you get the idea. Even though it's been on the market for coming on 8 years and its current new price is its 15th, don't hesitate to schedule a viewing and make your best offer.
You won't regret it!
Interested in this property? Give BigJoe a holler. Born a Flatlander, but now a proud Cheesehead, BigJoe needs the commission.
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